The blue mug

I woke up this morning and jumped straight into homework. Today is the last day of break and I have a lot to do before classes start back up tomorrow morning. As a result, I hadn’t gone into the extra room (it might be a den, but I haven’t actually figured out what it was meant to be). I just walked in there to grab a cup from last night so I could wash it. As I was walking back out I saw a random blue mug sitting on a box in the corner. I know that blue mug isn’t mine, but I’ve had too many experiences with alters bringing things into the house without my knowledge so I couldn’t just assume that it belonged to someone who’d come by to visit. I knew it wasn’t there last night when JJ and Guy arrived, so either one of them brought it with them and I didn’t notice, or another part decided to go out in the middle of the night last night and bring home a random blue mug.

It feels a little sad that I can’t automatically assume that one of my friends left it there, and that I have to question if I’m losing time again (losing time=being unaware of what is happening while another part is in control). I texted JJ to see if she had left it. She happened to know that it was Guy’s mug and said she would return it to him. I’m not worried about it sitting here, I just needed to know where it came from.

I went through a major period of denial with all of this (DID). I didn’t believe that there were others. It’s been a long time since I’ve actually allowed myself to acknowledge all of this in a real way. I’d forgotten how confusing it could be, always wondering if I’m losing time and questioning even the most mundane objects and experiences, trying to find meaning in stupid things to get some clue about what’s happening inside me. This is going to be an adventure…or something like that.

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~ by Kj on February 21, 2010.

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