Wrangling tornados

Can tornados even be wrangled? I wouldn’t think so. They are a force of nature so strong that they whip up everything close to them and put it back in way that  doesn’t even begin to resemble how it started. Everything happens in a moment and there is no time to take a breath or form a thought. All you can do is hold on tight and hope that where you land is somehow better than where you started.

I feel a bit like that right now, like I am caught in a whirlwind. It seems like a wonderful thing, and I don’t really want it to slow down…but I also worry that it’s so fast and intense that it will simply burn itself out like a magnesium flare (sorry dear readers for all of the scientific and meteorological references today). I haven’t been this truly and genuinely happy in a while. That isn’t to say that I don’t really enjoy life, but I feel like I’m floating (and not in a dissociative way either).

Right now everything feels very intense and I want to hold on so tight. I also know that holding on tight is the worst thing I can do. Part of that comes from knowing that we have a limited time before we both get infinitely busier. College won’t be a quiet place once the students get back and the sheer amount of work I’ll have related to that will keep me pretty tied down. I’m also going to have to go back to actually sleeping at night. I’m enjoying spending those hours awake and talking. I’m not excited about giving them up.

My hope is that, instead of fizzling out, we will simply settle into a comfortable rhythm. After only one week and one day, my head still feels like it’s spinning. I’m not usually the clingy type, but I want to spend every waking moment with him. He makes me feel so amazing when he is near that I don’t like having to be apart. I truly hope that I can do the same thing for him. He’s constantly on my mind. Last night he asked if I was becoming ‘addicted’ to him. I wasn’t willing to admit that, but the truth is that I am. I think that will calm down eventually, but in the meantime, I just want to be with him. No one has ever done this to me before or made me feel this way. Who knew anyone could??? I want nothing more inthe world than to be with him and to make him feel as wonderful as he makes me feel.


~ by Kj on August 9, 2010.

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