Meditation complications

Therapist still wants me to work on communication. I still feel like I have a lot to lose by trying. Something is different, but I get the feeling it has more to do with the fact that I’m trying to be more accepting than it does with any real effort on my part. I’ve been noticing lately that I’m more aware of when a few of the kids are close. I notice Katie in particular, but she’s not the only one. I suppose that it’s good to have at least some kind of internal awareness again.

I’m supposed to be trying meditation to increase communication, but I haven’t really done much with it. At least I don’t have to worry now that the guy I really like will flip out about all of this. He’s more accepting of it than I am (Therapist thinks I should follow his example…). Part of the reason I haven’t been doing much is because I haven’t been sleeping. Lack of sleep makes meditation a little bit difficult.

Luckily I’ve had some very good sleep now (finally), so maybe it’s time to give it a try.

Having someone else be accepting of me…with DID and all…helps a lot. It’s harder to convince myself that accepting it will destroy my life. I can’t say that I won’t have a relationship until I’ve gotten it together because no one will have me; I’ve met someone who doesn’t seem to care. At least one part of my life no longer depends on being completely “healed” to accomplish it. Even if I started switching semi-regularly again, I don’t believe he’d turn his back on me. It would just take a little bit of getting used to.

I’m running out of excuses not to do the work…

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~ by Kj on August 12, 2010.

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